she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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