p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
