oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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