I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
