Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
