I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
