So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Pants are for mortals
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
