Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
