is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
