The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you never un-have a 4some
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
