Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
