So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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