I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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