i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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