Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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