My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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