God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
