her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
