I wanna bring you to show and tell
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im part way to drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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