I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
