tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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