you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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