shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
should my penis look like a turkey
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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