are you so shy because you have an std?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
