I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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