Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
