Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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