Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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