worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
