lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
