I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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