it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
