Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
