I'm really into asian looking animals
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
