I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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