Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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