I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
