My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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