I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
