mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
