I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
