the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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