Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
