someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
