are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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