Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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