I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
