I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The feeling are messing with the penis
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
