im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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