Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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