Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
