is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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