You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
