My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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