Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
