What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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