that's an acceptable place to lick
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize