john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
