my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
