the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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