YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
