and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
