I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
